How to train your brain

Do you make endless New Year’s resolutions, spend a fortune on planners, write bucket lists, create vision boards and create a public commitment by telling all your Facebook friends that this will be your year?

Each New Year gives us a blank canvas to create our dreams afresh – but where to start?

Yes – you will give up sugar and practice impeccable nutrition (and share it on Instagram, obviously).
Yes – you will finally stick to a beauty routine that will give you glowing skin, much to the envy of Kim Kardashian.

Yes – you will be calm, centered, loving and gentle even to those idiots who bumped onto you on the train in the morning and take up two seats?

All too often we set the bar way too high and then berate ourselves for giving up in the first week of January.

We all want instant change – but here’s the thing.

Change takes time.  Results take time.

Train your mind to learn new behaviors, new reactions, and new thoughts and prepare yourself for the ways your changes will affect everyone in your life.

If your friendship group revolves around the habit you want to give up then you need to think about this.

In my many years working in an office, those who smoked would often have a tight-knit friendship circle born of many years freezing their butts off out in the cold with a rushed cigarette.

Those who gave up smoking were no longer part of that group.
Peer pressure has a huge part to play in our ability to say no, enough, time to stop.
Many self-help books advise making a public commitment is a great way to get you moving towards your dreams because of the risk of the failure of embarrassment.
I’m not so sure.  I think silence is better.  Quietly move towards your goals without fanfare, seek help from the best people you can find – those who have achieved what you are setting out to do.  Not those who would quite like to do it too but have never got round to it – but are still complete experts.

The biggest challenge is just starting, let alone maintaining the momentum to stay the course long distance.  We’ll have that last drink tomorrow, eat that last cake tomorrow, and go for our first run tomorrow.
So what can you do if your goal is really important – for example you need to lose weight for an operation, or you need to cut someone really toxic out of your life, or you need to crack a competitive exam?

Here are some simple things you could try and they all revolve around changing what you say to yourself and taking baby steps.

Small changes can lead to massive improvements if they are manageable and don’t add to your stress levels.  It is utterly pointless taking up something you know you’ll give up sooner rather than later because you will only succeed in lowering your self-esteem and self-confidence.

Exercise
Instead of:  I will get up at 6 am and run 3 miles
Try:  I will jog on the spot for the length of Coronation Street (or your favorite serial)

Instead of: I will schedule at least 3 gym classes per week
Try: I will find the family some new swimsuits and go for a swim every Sunday with the cousins or friends.

Food
Instead of:  I will give up all sugary foodsTry:  I will give up cake during the week and treat myself to a couple of slices at the weekend.

Instead of: I will sit down to a home cooked meal every night
Try: I will cook three times a week and add extra home-cooked vegetables to any shop bought meals.

Money
Instead of:  I will save every penny towards my summer holiday
Try:  I will start a savings account and put in £20 (or whatever) every month and use public transport instead of taxis.

Work
Instead of:  I will find the job of my dreams this yearTry:  I will talk to someone already doing my dream job to see how they got started and what qualifications and experience they think I should get.

Instead of: I will speak up in every meeting and share my ideas
Try: I will ask for my idea to be included in the meeting agenda beforehand and make sure I speak up if the question “any other business?” arises.

Relationships
Instead of: I will find the partner of my dreams
Try: I will smile and be more approachable, make sure I look my best whenever I leave the house.

My point is that your dreams have to be broken down into actionable steps – and those steps should not be daunting or complicated.

Let me tell you a small story.

Shark Bait
During a research experiment a marine biologist placed a shark into a large holding tank and then released several small bait fish into the tank. As you would expect, the shark quickly swam around the tank, attacked and ate the smaller fish.
The marine biologist then inserted a strong piece of clear fiberglass into the tank, creating two separate partitions. She then put the shark on one side of the fiberglass and a new set of bait fish on the other.
Again, the shark quickly attacked.  This time, however, the shark slammed into the fiberglass divider and bounced off.  Undeterred, the shark kept repeating this behavior every few minutes to no avail.  Meanwhile, the bait fish swam around unharmed in the second partition.  Eventually, about an hour into the experiment, the shark gave up.

This experiment was repeated several dozen times over the next few weeks.  Each time, the shark got less aggressive and made fewer attempts to attack the bait fish, until eventually the shark got tired of hitting the fiberglass divider and simply stopped attacking altogether.
The marine biologist then removed the fiberglass divider, but the shark didn’t attack.  The shark was trained to believe a barrier existed between it and the bait fish, so the bait fish swam wherever they wished, free from harm.

The lesson we need to learn is:  Many of us, after experiencing setbacks and failures, emotionally give up and stop trying. Like the shark in the story, we believe that because we were unsuccessful in the past, we will always be unsuccessful. In other words, we continue to see a barrier in our heads, even when no ‘real’ barrier exists between where we are and where we want to go.

Moving towards your dreams gradually means, I think, that you are far more likely to get there.

As the old saying goes, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step”. And to achieve anything you need a positive and ready to go mindset. This mindset is achievable only by continuously learning and moving forward no matter what the past is.